4.7. c. Approaching an unknown woman in the public space: the worst place for men to initiate courtship
Unsade the world! A Study on the Emotional Abuse and the Sexual Crimes and the Reactions towards them
This article continues the previous one
4.7. c. Approaching an unknown woman in the public space: the worst place for men to initiate courtship
Further on, I will analyze the fault coming from the other side, the masculine one, by too explicit signaling to initiate the courtship. This is the explicit approach on the street or through social networks. It creates discomfort for most women. For a long time I thought that this discomfort women usually complain about was due to an anxious psychopathological constitution, which interprets a gesture of politeness as aggression. There are certain women who meet into this psychopathological pattern, and I wrote about them here as I will come back with more in details about them in the following articles. They generally interpret community politeness as an explicit sign of courtship initiation. But here I do not refer to these cases, but to those who are explicitly approached by men for the courtship purposes. This is not a community politeness gesture. The politeness is meant to harmonize social relations between community members. It is a behavior of personal individuality diminution in favor of the others personal status lifting. On the contrary, the courting and the sexuality is an individual exclusive behavior for the rest of the community from the function of reproduction, for selective purposes. The courtship is a competition of individual genetic physical qualities, covered by a polite packaging. So it is actually the politeness polarity.
Too explicit approaching as unknown person makes sense from the male sexual instinct perspective. It must be available at any time for mating. But for the specific to the female sexual instinct selective optics, such a thing is inappropriate. For this reason, the too explicit approaching from an unknown man who initiates a relationship from cause discomfort also for a nonaxiety woman, not just for the anxious ones. There are four causes for this discomfort, somehow related to each other. 1. The first is that the explicit approach of a woman on the street or in any of the public spaces for the purpose of courtship initiating violates at least 2 of the 4 of the traditional pre-courtship rules described in this sectionn of this series. They refer to the prior knowing the potential partner or introducing him by a trusted person. Often such practices also violate the 4th courtship pre-rule, related to the initiator lower social rank. Most street initiators try their luck at nicer women or better dressed than they are. Obviously, such a practice contradicts the female sexuality main selective interest.
The women are totally entitled to ask for courtship rules education so that they should not be excluded from the decision taken by the men in regard to a more or less explicit love relationship with them. Without such an explicit sign from them, stepping to the courtship 5-th prior stage is a clear lack of respect for the woman. Regardless of how beautiful the man's gesture would be, if he ignores stage 5, without giving the woman the opportunity to choose, according to stage 3, then the woman may feel like a prostitute whose love is bought, as mentioned above.
2. In addition, this also violate of the courtship 3rd pre-initiation stage, as described in this section . Most of the women who are suddenly approached the street feel excluded from the relationship building after such an explicit initiative, and it is normal to refuse such proposals. Even if the social rank or the qualities of a man that explicitly approaches a woman to form a couple, are similar or even superior to her, by this path his chances of success are lower. Only the fact that he decides to explicitly initiate the courtship in the public space, like anyone else, disqualifies him in the selective eyes of feminine sexual receptivity. Basically he did something every man can do. It has merged with the majority, which is not very attractive to a woman. The only thing that could get him out of this mediocrity incompatible with the female sexuality selective interests is an exceptional gesture, a word of spirit or something else. Unfortunately, these things do not come by order...
A man attempt to emotionally approach a woman without her explicit consent has been denied in the past and is still today. The contemporary society is constantly abusing a person's neutrality to force acceptance into a relationship or another , but that is only a poor attempt to patch the dictatorship and slavery in the freedom colors. Similarly, forcing a woman's emotional closeness acceptance is a sign of abuse. Given the fact that some women are blackmailed into accepting a more intense sex life with their husbands, such an accelerated and unilateral-male initiative of intimate relationships is not appreciated by them.
3. The third cause is our society women normal fear towards the sex offenders. I believed for a long time that this fear is exaggerated, and I considered it as a symptom of either paranoia (of persecution form), or anxiety, or a paranoid (or traumatic) personality disorder. There are indeed women who overlap this psychopathology. But beyond this minority, the women experience a real danger. After I studied the sexual crime official statistics released by the state authorities, I realized that we are living a true conspiracy regarding the violence against women . There are states that put massive social pressure on the marginalized one, such as the US, Russia, China, Romania and many more, and give no social protection to these people. These states, simply protect the sexual criminals in order to cover up the luxurious murderous sadists the hold the power.
So the women have serious reasons to fear not only unknown men, but even the acquaintances, although the statistics tell that a street courtship initiator is not a rapist. Not every woman is an expert in rape and crime statistics to know that such men are not masked pimps or rapists. In a society that does not provide clear statistical data on rapes, kidnappings and sadistic murders of women, it is normal for a woman to interpret an unknown street courtship initiator as a potential rapist. Or, even if they know the statistics that show that the rapist is not a street courtship initiator as, they may not want to take these risks, no matter if minimal. So the chances of women refusing the street courtship initiation in these places are bigger than in others. And, it is advisable for men to try courtship initiation elsewhere rather than on the street, besides waiting for the clear signs from the woman.
4. Finally, the fourth cause of women's reluctance toward the unknown approaches in the public space is the emotional abuse risk. A man that stalks on the street and proposes intimate relationships to women is a potential Casanova. He passes from one woman to another, stops at no one and leaves behind sufferance. I already described these behaviors here . Due to the emotional abuse that such a man can create, he is bypassed by women. A courtship street initiator cannot be distinguished from an abuser, and the women are not willing to risk it.
Every man who uses this should know that the street is one of the worst places to start the courtship. Men who practice it have the impression that they can break these strongly consolidated norms in the human consciousness, just because they think are special. After their failure, they are surprised to be rejected, and sometimes behave unjustly in the face of this refusal, by offending or abusing the woman.
The 4th courtship pre-initiation rule, respectively the social status concordance, should be understood and assumed in particular. Men should be educated from school so that they do not become aggressive or abusive towards the woman who refuses their courtship initiation both in this street context and in other contexts and in other interests. The feminist slogan "no means no" is perfectly justified and should be applied in every human relations in general, not just in the courtship. A proposal from anyone should not necessarily be accepted as in the Middle Ages according to the criterion of class or gender superiority.
A man who goes directly to the intimate relationships proposal can be successful in front of women who are in a hurry or struck by the direct approach originality. Those 4 traditional pre-rules are sufficient to regulate the relationships between the men who initiate street courting and the women who accept or refuse it. A discrete attempt to socialize can result in courtship if the approached woman shows obvious signs in this regard. If she does not offer back such signs, any effort is in vain. After being ignored like that, many men go on to more explicit signs instead of showing a better version of them, according to the courtship stage 4. But in this way they violate the first 2 traditional courtship pre-rules and their approach success chances are close to 0.
Are you a poet? Do you have an audience that appreciates you? Then yes. You can risk such street approach for women in public space, assuming the humility of being rejected. Most likely, poets much higher than you have been rejected in the past. If you think you are better than them, then, yes, you can try your luck. But, beware that you may be evaluated below your actual level with this risk taking!
d. Traditional solutions for women to avoid complications after inopportune street approaches by men
For an average woman the discomfort of an inappropriate approach is not so big as to make a big irascibility crisis out of it. But there are others who obstinately seek out the scandal, and behave seductively through clothing and gestures. If the man happens to be shy or feel insecure about him, then they find the right time to humiliate him in everybody’s eyes. It is a disproportionate reaction from some women that should not be encouraged. The school generally did not focus on educating young people on what to do to find a partner in love. Sex education mainly refers to situations after the couple's appearance but not how they should be formed. Many who try such approaches do not know that it bothers women. And the education with aggressive words cannot be done. Of course, as I will show later , in this case there is a sadistic interest of the histrionic conformation women themselves to specifically humiliate such weak men, thus taking precautionary measures in choosing them, making sure that they will not become violent later.
Then, there are situations that this kind of women wildly interprets the slightest sign of courtship initiation as disrespect, sexual harassment or rape. And in this case I do not consider those who move on to clearer signs of starting the courtship, after the woman did not respond with interest to his previous signs. I refer strictly to those who showed very discreet signs, which are generally shown in other contexts than those of the courtship. To counteract this there is enough the so far arguments: the discreet gestures or conversations with which one can test the woman's readiness to accept the courtship also apply in other contexts than the courtship. This can neither be prohibited nor incriminated because it is constantly used in the society. The woman lack of enthusiasm in front of this discreet sign is a criterion for stopping the courtship. Such a reticent response is enough, not an aggressive or humiliating response to the one who tried to initiate it.
Such a simple rule has been practiced in the past and is practiced even today until the radical feminism started to ostracize any sign made by a man, no matter how slight it might be. As I pointed out in a previous section , the peaceful courtship initiation is not an aggression, neither sexual harassment nor rape. In the video below you can see an example of a woman, who becomes aggressive and almost starts a fight with a man because he previously greeted her without knowing her.
The channel that presents this footage is a clearly anti-feminist and even misogynist at some points. It is possible that the above scene is not a genuine one, but a caricature against the wide feminism, by its many opponents. But it presents a radical feminism reality of wildly interpreting a courtship discrete sign as an aggression. The reaction in this video is a clear exaggeration to such a discreet sign, even if it violates the above mentioned 4th pre-initiation courtship rule, namely the compatibility of the social rank. I will return to the detailed analysis of this exaggeration in future articles. So far, I'm just offering it as an example.
The woman absolute human cultural refusal to enter the courtship flirts, according to the courtship 4th pre-initiation rule, dictated by the human social stratification, causes an instinctual confusion. Her refusal is interpreted by the male sexual instinct as passing to the courtship 3-rd pre-initiation rule, as stagnation. As have already mentioned in this study, during the traditional period when the social classes were hermetically isolated, the lower hierarchical level man could not initiate the second stage of courtship to a member of a higher class woman. But that did not mean that the sexual instinct would also numb to the outward rules of society. In between the classical and the industrial eras, the courtship 4th pre-initiation rule began to be ignored, according to the instinct’s interest. The absolute institutional refusal from the beloved women to accept their courtship made the Romantics raise the stake. Remarkable cultural productions were born in this way. "The Sorrows of Young Werther" is one of them. "The Evening Star" is another. Eminescu kept walking "Down Where The Lonely Poplars Grow", but his inner ideal of accessing to a higher class through love was realized only on a phantasmic level, in "Poor Dionysos". Many men saw it directly that the beloved person refusal or the obstacles against getting close to her had rather reinforced their passion than stop it. A more or less marginal man, without the above cultural figures talent is rather incited by a duplicitous and perverse refusal from a histrionic woman.
The more ore less histrionics women instinctively feel this. And sometimes they raise the stake to the seduction without a concrete interest of courtship, but just to exercise her forces. But they must assume the risks of entering such a seduction game. A marginal man, humiliated in the daily life by numerous frustrations, can turn his anger on a woman who ventures into such games. The feminist slogan "no mean no" is justified for decent women. But it loses consistency with the seductive histrionic women case. They end up being abused by men who interpret their sensuality as accepting of the courtship 5th pre-initiation stage. The state cannot and should not cover these games. Women in general need to be careful about how they refuse such a social excluded man that approaches them on the street. A humiliating refused man can act violently, so in this case they need diplomacy. Basically, the women pretty much know what this diplomacy is, whether they are average or they are histrionic-seductive. I will briefly enumerate below three solutions to this problem to emphasize once again that the society has solved these problems long before nowadays. They need only be retaken over and adapted to the conditions of the contemporary world.
The returning to the ring institution is enough to signal that a woman does not want an approach in the public space by a man, if such a minor frustration is perceived as oversized as in the case before. But the returning to this institution must be honest and consistent. There are women who take their ring off the finger on the street not for the sake of meta-justice arrogance, but to ambivalently sign the readiness for re-engagement. And when the "offer" is dissatisfying they invoke the right to be alone. Indeed, even the underprivileged men who randomly approach women, as a routine, without differentiation, do not behave fairly. But also the women who practice such things get into a dangerous abuse game. I will return to this topic in the following articles.
On the other hand, the men direct approaches from on the social media can be stopped by the refusal to accept the followers or to include the unknown profiles in the list of friends in the social networks, if the courtship initiating frustration is so big. There is the possibility of refusing contact in the main social networks. Or, it is possible to create a public account, which involves communicating with larger groups, and a personal account, which communicates with friends in real life. The public should not have personal photos or location. The moderate feminism found a whole set of rules on this fact. A reader sent me a very detailed article about what women should do to avoid the sexual harassment online or in real life. I found very interesting the "Block Together" application used for Twitter that will automatically block any follower that is active for less than 7 days and has less than 15 followers. For more details, just visit the link above!
Only, yes, these women have a dubious conflict of interest. They are undecided between two things that at one point conflict with each other. On the one hand they need the advantage of popularity in that particular social media network, coming from the unknown people positive reactions and comments. Such "friends" appreciate their activities and raise up their status in the others perception. For this reason, they are received in the circle of friends from the respective online social network. But when these "friends" start talking through the private messages, things are no longer pleasant for them, and they want to change the approaching social rules. In the same situation are the women who have married out of interest and not out of love, and wake up in their mid-life that no longer find their identity, and feel used in the marital couple. Basically the "friends" dilemma from the social media networks resumes from the virtual level into the real life the wife married for material reasons, or the luxury prostitute who needs the others admiration to raise the price for her services but their approaches destroys her plans.
The third solution to avoid unpleasant situations is the appropriate dress to the place and time. In point C of this article I have shown that avoiding summary, provocative clothing in the dubious urban spaces is a universal solution for the problems that comes from too often approaches from men. I will return to this topic in the following articles because there is a debate here on the underprivileged men "education" so as not to approach such seductive women. This debate is broader and has more diverse topics and that is why I will dedicate it a distinctive section. So far, I only briefly show that such a precaution is a diplomatic solution to avoid this kind of short-term inconvenience, so as not to cause confusion among men.
So there is no need to revolutionize the civilized behavior through the exclusive female courtship initiation. The traditional courtship pre-initiation stages and rules are good enough. On the one hand the most important courtship pre-initiation stages, namely the 1/st and the 5-th are decided by the woman herself. And these are the most important. The exclusive female courtship initiation proposal is already covered by this traditional norm. Then, a couple love relationship with a passive man is undesirable for most women. I will return to this topic in more details in the following articles. I will present in them auxiliary arguments against the feminist exclusive female courtship initiation proposal and to incriminate (even if only morally) the greeting without consent. Further on there are 3 articles in which I will describe the conflict of the exclusive female courtship initiation theory first with the traditional-conservative mentality , then with the poetic and spiritual love , and then with moderate feminism itself .
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