4. The feminist proposal of exclusively female courtship initiation
4.3. The misleading perception of conversation initiation as rape or sexual harassment due to sexual appetite mismatch
This article continues the previous one
I have shown here that approaching an unknown woman in the public space by a man is inappropriate for the courtship initiation. Such a strategy works in the case of uninhibited persons, generally free from misconceptions. But for those with a conservative mentality, this violates the first two precourtship traditional rules , namely the temperamental-characteristic accommodation and the acquaintance through a third person. If the approached woman in this way is also married then the third rule is violated, and the man threatens her marital relationship. Some women who go beyond the first two traditional rules, as men themselves do. But the third is better consolidated and the distinguishing sign of marriage, the engagement or the wedding ring, is enough to prevent the approach.
But, I pointed out in the previous article that such a peaceful approach by an unknown man to a woman in a populated urban space is mistakenly equated with rape or sexual harassment. Such an error in appreciation is made for two reasons: 1) insufficient knowledge of rape statistics; 2) the psychopathological distortional perception, despite having correct statistical data. In the first case the study corrects this prejudice by itself. For the second case, the detailed knowledge of the rape, with statistics and case studies is insufficient. this category specific people will behave according to what in psychopathology is called "tubular attention", that is, a focus on certain cases that does not the statistics. On the other hand, the fear of strangers in unpopulated spaces is beneficial for women, to prevent the rapes and even the murderous sadists’ kidnappings. But the excessive rape fear in safe spaces also needs psychotherapy, although it does not work every time.
However, there are a significant number of women that fall between the two categories. They understand that a peaceful conversation (courtship) initiator in the public space is not a rapist or sexual harasser, but they support his incrimination because they want more rights in the marriage relationship. Most women make painful compromises when it comes to marriage. Both contemporary and traditional societies conceal a worrying reality in couples: the sexual appetite difference between spouses. Statistically speaking, the sexual appetite of the man is higher than that of the woman, and this has 3 causes. The first is the biological-sociological status of the male. In mammals to which human species belongs, there has been strengthened the so hated harem relationship, with the dominant males having to fertilize more females. The prehistoric harem theory has become outdated, as it is served to women by unfaithful spouses who justify their infidelity. Many women tend to reject it, regretfully remembering it with this context. But it is still a biological fact. The human male inherited these characteristics of the wildlife that is found directly in these facts.
The second cause for this sexual appetite mismatch is the gender-differentiated distribution of human society violence over the past 50,000 years, especially over the past 5,000 years. I also mentioned in this space about the experiments performed by experimental psychologist Neal Elgar Miller on rats, and by Robert A. Hinde on monkeys here . They observed that the painful physical shocks such as electrical or mechanical shocks on these animals increased their consumption needs such as the one for food or sex. In the same conditions, this is also the case in humans. The women were basically bypassed by wars and their traumas were lower. We can infer that the conversion of violence into sexual appetite has accentuated the gender discrepancy of sexual appetite. Thus, after the entire history wars, some came to conquer cities with goods and women. This is why they borrowed happiness from the future, because they sent there their frustrations of their descendents.
Finally, the third factor relies in the choices that women made for the future spouses based on too material criteria than those of psycho-moral compatibility, according to the first rule preceding the courtship described in the article in the article linked above . The fourth rule showed that it is normal for a woman to choose a wealthier man, in spite of a less wealthy one. But some women ignore the first rule that concerns the other qualities or bad habits and care too much for the fourth one, according to the wealth criteria specific to this rule. In this long-term case, this predisposition to sexual appetite mismatch between the couple members will increase. If the woman chooses with the mind and not with the heart, then she will eventually be followed by the regret of disguised prostitution and will increasingly feel unfulfilled in the marriage.
But even where there was initially some concordance and mutual attraction between the members of the couple, the risk of psychological, political, cultural or professional divergent evolutions may bring its members into impasse at one point. Due to these combined factors, the sexual appetite discrepancy between the couple members has reached the maximum level both in the traditional society, but especially in the modern one. The man and woman psychical constitution difference made them look like different species, as has been said. joking more seriously. At the same stressors a man can respond by sexual appetite increasing as a woman by libidinal flattening. The lack of mutual desire between the partners led to the lack of communication in the conjugal life, and the many married couples sexuality was reduced to a simple physiological need for the man and a pain for the woman. The too frequent or too common prelude sex life is a problem for many women. Well, such a mismatch makes women feel constantly raped inside their marriage.
Unfortunately, under the conditions of today's society there is no both sides content solution for this problem. The classic era of robbery produced an emotional disaster in this most intimate and precious human being place, which is the family. Here how, we the contemporaries pay for the compromises of the classic society of robbery with the discordance of sexual appetite in the intimate life! Looking back in the history, if we are honest, there is no much reason of pride. The contemporary family is breaking apart more and more, and this is not due to any homosexual epidemic spread by those who prefer the same sex, as I have argued here . The homosexuals themselves are effects of these factors of strong distortion of the human mind that the civilization produces. Many marriages end in divorce even if the former partners keep their sexual orientation. The family harmony destroying is an important factor for the emotional imbalance for all its members, including those most exposed to emotional disturbances, namely the children. The divorce rates in Western countries and Russia vary between 30 and 60% (Spain, Portugal, Luxembourg, Czech Republic and Hungary). In the United States the divorce rate is 41% este de 41 %. The risk of a second divorce is 60% and the third one reaches 73%.
Those who do not divorce are not necessarily satisfied with their marriage. The conservatives do not usually divorce, although their marriage can be ruined. The reasons for staying in the marriage are various, such as children, fear of loneliness, revenge of the departed partner, etc. From here came out the macabre jokes with non-communicative and even hostile spouses, but linked to each other like a punishment. Often, the spouses give up the very important marriage ring rule, I mentioned above, thus spreading incorrect information about their marital status.
This is almost no exit situation. The husbands become sexually dissatisfied and find mistresses. Although by such wild harem restoration there is reached a compromise for all its members, however, such a thing involves a sociological nature external problem. Although in general the number of women is higher than that of men, however, the men with more female partners bring problems for other men. They either will not find an attractive enough partner for couple compatibility, or they will have no partner at all and will suffer from sexual inhibition. This is a source of social imbalance; the increased liberties of some abuse the normal ones for the others. On the other hand, the monogamous couple faithfulness compromise, as consolidated in the traditional family, is a false solution. Forcing a woman's consent to have sex without her desire, even if she is an official couple partner, is still an abuse.
Well, if such a woman who already feels used in marriage happens to be approached by an unknown man on the street, then this can upset her, no matter how peaceful that man would be. Whether she has gone through a few failed marriages, or there is a struggle inside her between the tendency to divorce and keep the marriage, the approached woman is trapped in this great mental dilemma. At that moment, in her mind is created a combination of both the acceptance of the unknown initiator proposition and the refusal, with remaining in the marriage, and preserving the material benefits related to it. But such a variants combination implies the prospect of an even more frequent sex life, as her sexual appetite is already lower than the husband's. This is what accentuates this feeling of rape. This is why the reaction of such a woman can sometimes be aggressive towards an unknown street conversation initiator.
For this reason, the exclusive female initiative for sexual intercourse within the marriage would help these women. As unable to impose their point of view in front of their husband who has economic control of the family, they support both the theory of exclusive female initiation of courtship as well as that of the consent for greeting or compliment in the hope that they indirectly will manage to influence it in this way. So there are emotional reasons why the perception of the street conversation initiator is distorted. The compromise that this kind of woman does to keep their hyper-libidinal husband satisfied directly affects the perception of this courtship peaceful initiator. The two types of men need to be clearly differentiated. If the first case it reflects an emotional abuse but the other does not automatically end in a love affair. The courtship refusal is a woman's personal choice that should not be justified to anyone. But the aggressive reaction of the normal woman to such a peaceful proposal is exaggerated and is caused bz this feeling of rape she experiences inside the marriage. It can be deduced from here that the greater this feeling, the more aggressive and vehement the woman’s reaction. In the next article I will describe the cases of women whose perceptual horizon is deformed by the psychopathological distortions filter.
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