4. The feminist proposal of exclusively female courtship initiation
4.8. The political inopportuneness of the exclusive female courtship initiation proposal
a. The social norms inefficiency for the crimes and emotional abuses on women prevention
The traditional Social Etiquette and Good Manners is enough to totally stop crimes and emotional abuses against women. Its main characteristic is the self diminishing for the other one favor, and focusing on its needs. If its spirit is applied in the pre-courtship period , then there will be no more rapes or Casanova abuses. Of course, its main problem is that its rules are constantly being violated in a concrete level. Well, the female courtship initiation proposal will not be able to stop the crimes and emotional abuses against women, as the old ones in this Social Etiquette and Good Manners did not. It is not effective by itself, as I have already shown here .
For the time being, it works partially in the universities or the upper class educated world. It temporarily discourages the potential Casanova-type abusers, who have accidentally arrived from other backgrounds. If having a high class entourage, then the abusive and criminal tendencies men are encouraged to rise up to the same level and behave according to these mannered rules. These abusers cannot apply their street-specific tricks in a populated university environment because any such behavior is ignored and even condemned. But that doesn't work at all. Where there is no such social environment, those undereducated in this way give up good manners, and commit emotional abuses and sexual crimes, according to the environment in which they were formed.
Both the Casanova-type abuses and the rapes take place when the community is not present to collectively disapprove them. The rapes occur on most university campuses, despite its collective implementation. From this example we can see that the women are safe in a populated environment, where they felt safe anyway even before of this potential new rule implementation. I showed in this article or in this one the fact that banning the peaceful courtship man initiation towards a woman will not solve the problem of sexual harassment and rape. Those who commit these crimes violate the existing laws, as well as the existing courtship rules from the Social Etiquette and Good Manners. So they will not stop violating this new potential rule, as do not care about the old ones. So, even if this new rule would be implemented in the whole society, it would still not work, just as the Social Etiquette and Good Manners were not adopted on in the marginal environments.
b. The uselessness of the exclusive female courtship initiation norm for the dominant women
In addition to the ineffectiveness of such a new "good manners" rule in preventing the crimes and emotional abuses against women, it is also useless for women who actually put it into practice. The female role in the dynamics of couple formation has been partially implemented with the modern era, which has given women independence as they have got equal rights to men. Some of them accepted it, taking seriously the very active role in society. Others have proven superior to most men, including in areas traditionally devoted to men. This is the case of liberal women, entrepreneurs, with a dominant personality. Such women existed in all the history recorded ages. It can be understood that these women control and decide the couple as well as the environment in which they live. Some of them even decide the future of their community. The exclusive female courtship initiation is typical for such a woman, as it is the very initiative of a better administration of the field in which she works. Due to their organizational power, these women are highly respected by the community and society.
The moderate feminism gave them as an example and took them as a model for justifying the equal rights between men and women. The radical feminism went further and set an example to demonstrate an illusory gender superiority of women over men. However, the truly dominant woman type described above is rare, though very visible. Most women have retained their selective-receptive status, according to the natural feminine constitution. The Marxist matriarchy theory, according to which the women held the political power and control over the formation of couples, was refuted by subsequent studies of cultural anthropology. The matrilineal totem rules, described by Levi Strauss* and other anthropologists, used in tribal societies, was meant to avoid the incest by forbidding marriages between members of the same totemic sign. The matrilineal transmission of the totemic sign was meant to forbid mainly the sexual relations both between parents and children and also between the brothers and sisters. The women image in the primitive artistic productions had this explanation and not the reflection of any female political superpower, as Marx believed. The theory that women played a more active political role than men in the stages of human evolution is a mistake.
c. The exclusive feminine courtship initiation theory conflict with the very nature of femininity
In addition to its main purpose inefficiency for which would be implemented in society, the exclusive female courtship initiation proposal brings a disadvantage to the traditional mentality. It firstly tends to limit the conservatives' way of building love relationships. Except for the dominant woman described above, the exclusive female courtship initiation proposal comes as an extra burden for the conservative mentality, or for a socially inexperienced young woman. It affects the attractive and selective instinctive role of the femininity. Such a permutation that some feminists are trying at this time of civilization has no chance of success because there are many women themselves who do not accept it. Not all women who embrace this proposal want a more active role in the couple's dynamics.
I showed in this article that in the mammals male has a slightly more active role in courtship, while the female has a selective- receptive one. In the same way, in the traditional human culture, it was the man who initiated a relationship that could end in marriage. Although there have been and still are few exceptions, the general rule is that the woman is attractive and waits, as the man is the one who likes and approaches her. As in the animal world, basically the human male has a somewhat more active role in the courtship dynamics. The human female is receptive or refractory to the proposal coming from the male. It is natural for a man to discreetly initiate courtship a woman and advance with it as he receives signals that she is interested in such a thing. In the civilization advanced degree societies, the man was the one who signaled more or less explicit interest in courtship, and the woman either responded positively through equally explicit signs, or negatively, through the disinterest signs. Excluding the traditional courtship behavior rules and replacing them with a single one, specific to dominant women, is an attack on the natural human sexuality and affectivity.
There are women who like to be complimented by unknown men in the populated public space. The street compliments do not annoy them like they do to the feminist omen. On the contrary, such a thing temporarily revives for many women the femininity that has become more or less flattened in a routine sexual relationship. Some show satisfaction with such a thing, and others hide it. This gesture is caused by the fact that they do not want to leave the relationship that are in or do not want a relationship with the one who approached them. They consider that, if they show their satisfaction, then the courtship initiator could wrongly understand that he has received the consent to continue it. That's why some women prefer not to show that they like the street compliments.
The young and teenager boys approach unknown girls on a regular basis to initiate emotional relationships. The songs videos that are broadcast by the specialized in dance music channels abound in situations in which the unknown and boy and girl "urgently" approach each other emotionally, guided by the inspiration of rhythms. I also mentioned that the lack of time or the economic migrations specific to the contemporary lifestyle made these rules to be ignored. Despite love failures with the Casanova men or with people who practice the disguised prostitution (both men and women), many couples started after the courtship initiation without regard to these rules. It is very risky and those concerned would better adjust to these social norms for they own protection against the abuses. They have been culturally designed to help them find a more suitable partner. But if these people choose this kind of minimal courtship, that’s their choice and they cannot be forced to civilize.
d. The meaning of the exclusive female courtship initiation proposal for the different social groups that adhere to it
The exclusive female courtship initiation measure is perceived differently by the various social groups that adhere to it. Each of them understands different side of it, or follows something else from it, depending on its own group specific mentality. Most of the groups that adhere to this proposal are totally satisfied with the Social Etiquette and Good Manners. These traditional high manners rules can more effectively replace the female courtship initiation social purpose. They consistently promoted the love relationships construction in the spirit of patience, attention and obedience to the partner within the courtship and the marriage. If something like this is extrapolated to the before courtship period, then the too explicit messages discomfort problems that some women feel would disappear. Unfortunately, these rules have not been promoted throughout the entire social body. Some of its norms are outdated by the contemporary egalitarian spirit of the sexes. Then they remained elected only for the upper classes. These courtship rules are still unknown for the most contemporaries, as they have humble condition. In the absence of clear regulations provided by a proper courtship education, many women feel represented by this new proposal. A search for these rules on the internet or in the library can temper this feminism need for an anti-traditionalist revolution with this new norm.
There are legitimate women interests for not being disturbed by too many courtship initiation attempts. The very beautiful women, the media stars and other celebrities, including men, are negatively affected by an excessive influx of suitors and admirers who constantly bother them with courtship initiation proposals. The common women want a greater role in the couple formation dynamics, according with the contemporary egalitarian ideas and against the traditional woman obedience towards man. They do not necessarily want the burden responsibility of the relationship building through female exclusive initiation, but only to have the freedom to choose the right partner, without being disturbed by others. But both the Social Etiquette and Good Manners, as the preliminary stages regarding courtship that I wrote about in this article , suit them much better.
There are married women who adhere to this female courtship initiation ideology because their sexual appetite is lower than their husbands. As mentioned above in this study , they want sexual acts to be rarer, according to their own appetite. But they do not have the courage to seriously discuss this with their husbands, or they are afraid of unpleasant consequences such as the cooling of the relationship or even divorce. So, as an alternative, they believe that such a measure could indirectly favor them on this issue. Then, the couple contented women, the anxious ones, the lesbians and the luxury prostitutes do not want to be assaulted at all with explicit the courtship initiation messages from men. The first ones don't want it because they really don't want anything else. The anxious women do not want such messages because they are frightened by the prospect of rape or other emotional abuse. The lesbians do not have a heterosexual orientation, so they are not interested in such a thing. And the luxury prostitutes do not want wealthy men to know that they have such a job, and that they mimic the affection and passion that "arose" for them. They seek to facilitate the greatest possible financial interests through these relationships and do not want to be approached by the medium financial potential men; playing the divas role, they want to fool the very wealthy men who do not see their tricks. In the same way the histrionic women want a libidinal-seductive interests facilitation out of this new rule. For them, the seduction and the seduced one abandonment has a function of mental orgasm, as I have described in detail here
We notice that under this norm apparent legitimacy, the last two social groups also hide certain women obscure interests. For the disguised prostitutes this rule ensures a financial interest based on lies. For the histrionic women, it covers their insatiable need for scandal. The Social Etiquette and Good Manners applied during the preceding courtship period can rebalance things. The honest women can appeal to it. Both the preceding courtship rules and stages are already affirmed by the Social Etiquette and Good Manners. These traditional rules are enough to address the new gender issues in the contemporary society. So I end this article in the same state in which I ended the previous one , sending both men and women to self-education and taking on the traditional rules of courtship. They may be old and totally unacceptable, but they have the advantage of being consolidated for over a thousand years, at a time when the sexes socialization was not conditioned by the lack of time as today.
The radical feminists (but also the moderate ones who sometimes tend to support their ideas) must learn that these rules violation by the street courtship initiators does not justify an offensive response from them, as cannot be legally criminalized. Those good manners lacking have never been condemned in history, but only ignored. The exception was the lack of polite behavior towards the royal family members that could bring one plebeian’s end faster. But this is no longer the case today. Moreover, I bet that the radical feminists are not part of any royal family, despite (or because of) their histrionic narcissism… The insult that some of them respond to such an explicit courtship initiator is as unmannered as his preceding courtship rules violation. In this case, it is difficult to ask someone not to deviate from the good manners in regard to you as you do not do it yourself and use demeaning behaviors, gestures and words.
On the other hand, the men must learn to naturally use these rules, just like the mammal world males, without the coercion means specific to the classical or even the contemporary society! The success of the pairing depends on the result, not on their violation. Once this stage is completed, things can adjust by themselves, as they did in the classical balanced societies. An exception to this rule is given by the poetic minds that violate these rules for spiritual purposes. The exclusive female courtship initiation proposal also conflicts with them, as I will show in the next article.
* Levi Strauss – The Savage Mind
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