4. The feminist proposal of exclusively female courtship initiation
4.2. The legal impossibility of equating a man's peaceful courtship initiative to a woman with rape or sexual harassment
This article continues the previous one
1. The peaceful unknown woman approach in the public space for the purpose of courtship initiating is not rape, because the rape criteria are not met. This kind of approach of unknown women is inappropriate and frustrating for the woman, as I have described later here , But there is a distorted perception of the facts that this kind of peaceful approach could lead to rape. According to statistics, in the UK 90% of rapists are known to victims and only 10% are unknown. The common places for rapes are inside the buildings, especially at home or in a friend's house, at work, in public toilets or on the blocks stairs. The statistics are similar for the whole western society. The most rapists known by the victims initially start by proposing sexual adventures and get to rape after their offer is rejected. The 10% of unknown to victims’ rapists do not approach a woman in the populated public spaces to rape her. They know that cannot be done in public, on the street, in a populated urban space, for the simple reason that the others might announce the police. On the contrary, the unknown to victim rapists usually do it late at night and inside empty spaces, without previously proposing anything to the victims. They do not speak and try to hide their signals as much as possible in order not to be later recognized by the victim. Some of them rape because they are too low on the social scale and can not find a partner. Others rape because of a sadistic psychopathological conformation. In both cases the rapist does not ask for the victim's consent. In the first case, it is useless, because such a person is constantly treated with refusal and doesn’t bother to ask for it anymore. In the second case, the sadist does not need the victim's consent; on the contrary, he has greater satisfaction when the victim shows disagreement.
The second situation is an alarming social phenomenon in underdeveloped countries and consists in kidnapping women on the street for the purpose of trafficking as sex slaves. These kidnappers purpose of conversation initiating is not the initiation of a relationship, but their victims psychologically testing. These pimps want to find out from the conversation if the woman is willing to accept her status as a kidnapped prostitute or will eventually call the police and ask for help. The street conversation approach actually has the role of selection. If such a woman would ask the police for help, this could ruin their "career".
But the paradox is that in these underdeveloped countries, many women are willing to take this risk in exchange for some successful percentage in coupling an older man who could get them out of poverty. Others even prefer the sex slaves’ status. Unfortunately, this is the very purpose of keeping such countries in poverty. In these areas the feminist movement and the initiation courtship proposal revolution exist only in the restricted circles of educated women.
The second paradox of this proposal for the exclusively female courtship initiation is that it came from the developed western countries, especially the USA, where the women kidnapping and forcing into prostitution cases are much rarer. Indeed, in addition to violating the traditional rules of courtship, there is some risk that even in these countries such a "macho" will be a disguised rapist or a pimp. It is normal for the women not to be willing to risk the statistics, even if it is more favorable, and to prefer the negative response to such approaches. Also, pushing the intimacy opening by such an unknown conversation initiator causes frustration into the approached woman. But it is wrong to automatically equate it with kidnapping or rape initiation. Again, this applies only to the case of conversation with a woman initiated by an unknown man in a populated urban space. Such an error is made in the case of equating homosexuality and other libidinal disorders with pedophilia. Studying the statistics and these disorders leads to the correction of these prejudices. In the same way, the study of the sociology of rape convinces normal people that the street woman dating asker for the purpose of couple forming is not a kidnapper or rapist. Of course, this does not mean that she should invariably accept his advances.
2. Approaching a woman in the public space for the initiating courtship purpose can become street harassment in the legal sense of the term if the man continues after he has been refused. Chasing a woman in the public space in order to obtain her telephone number or other contact details is included in the legal criteria of the harassment. The feminist slogan "no = no" is perfectly justified. Also, the man who offends, or physically assaults the woman, after being rejected, is guilty according to the law. But the peaceful street courtship initiation of a woman without verbal or physical violence, and without chasing after she refused, is not sexual harassment. The international laws clearly defines "sexual harassment" by a series of actions such as honking, whistling, making obscene gestures, tracking, physical assault, as here , here , and here.
But, as I mentioned in the previous article, in this video, at minute 01. 45,
we notice that the "sexual harassment" notion is extended to verbal, complimentary or insistent comments, quoting and promoting the vision from the stopstreetharassment.org website. According to it, any man who would initiate an emotional approach to an unknown woman by insistent looking, greeting or complimenting could be criminalized as a harasser.
Indeed such a group approaching as happens in the second 34 is abusive. Regardless the preferences, we must admit that a community where the men wait at the street corners and propose loving relationships to passing women, such as the bears in rivers for salmon, is an embarrassing landscape. None of us would like this for the women in our lives, whom we love and respect. However, such a behavior cannot be legally incriminated because no offense has been committed. The argument that the woman feels offended has no legal base because the gesture of courtship initiation, as long as not repeated after the woman’s refusal, does not meet the offenses criteria as described in the law. As I will show in the subsequent articles, this mistake is done due to the female sexual appetite discordance with the partner or certain psychopathological symptoms that accentuate the misperception . Such behavior can only be classified as poor education and lack of elegant manners, but not punishable by law. However, this is ordinary in the metropolis suburbs, where the marginalized ones have settled since their beginnings. Blaming them for the lack of elegant manners is just as jejune as blaming women who agree to go out with a wealthy man and refuse the poor man.
We can agree that in certain conditions, periods and situations such approaches are inappropriate. For example, a man compliment or greeting towards an unknown a woman on an unpopulated, dark street and at a late hour is likely to be perceived as an aggression. Regardless of how well a man is positioned on the social scale, or how suitable he might be for her, such a friendship initiation should be avoided. In such places the rapes and murderous sadists kidnappings happen, as I showed in detail in this article . So the approached woman is blinded by such an experience trauma. Also, a compliment from a toxic boss, who presses down his subordinates, is not the most inspired method of getting close to them. The rapid oscillation between a diminution and raising status evaluation cannot expect that that person should do the same and respond politely to the compliment.
But a peaceful approach of an unknown woman and not following and pressing her in the case of refusal, cannot be criminalized as sexual harassment. In the same way, the "entertainers" or "dancers" jobs from some clubs or dubious spaces cannot be prohibited although are not profitable or not funded from other sources. One can foresee that behind these jobs there is actually the disguised prostitution practiced by some women. But it is almost impossible to distinguish between the abuse and normal behavior. Thus, the legislation will never be able to prohibit the compliment or greeting an unknown woman, without violating the principles of law in general and the human rights in particular. According to the principles of law, these people just cannot be punished for looking at a woman.
If the legislation will not make a clear differentiation between the two situations, then there is the risk of becoming a new Inquisition, punishing unconscious intentions or imagined guilds. Unfortunately, the legislation and the penitentiary system have much larger problems in order to make such a fine differentiation. These institutions do not have the tools of such a differentiation between the two intentions of abusive men and admirers. Putting into practice this extension of the "sexual harassment" notion in the field of legislation would create social tensions and abuses on the non-abusive admiring men.
If someone studies the rape statistics and the sexual harassment law then that person reviews its tendency to incriminate the courtship initiation towards an unknown woman. However, there are three categories of women who support this initiative even if they previously studied these. The first one is the normal, already married women, who want to apply it especially in their own marriage when it comes to initiating sex. Of course, in addition, they do not want to be disturbed in the public space by another man intention of courtship. The second category is that of women who have been emotionally or physically abused, left with the bad test out of these experiences, and that of neurotic-like psychopathological constitution women who suffer from androphobia without having undergone a traumatic experience with a man. Finally, the third one is that of sexual or moral eccentric behavior women, especially the histrionic like exhibitionists or disgused prostitutes that I have analyzed in detail this article and this one . They want to be protected in putting into act the specific abuses to their psychopathological conformity, or to be helped to find a partner who only practices a certain sexual behavior. In general, they are also the most vehement in incriminating the peaceful street courtship initiator as rapist or sexual harasser. Against this measure and for keeping the traditionalist rules, there are two categories of women: the first is the young women who are not part of a couple and ready to experiment until they meet the optimal partner; the other is that of conservative older women who do not accept the courtship initiation in the public space neither for men nor for women, but by no means they do not accept it exclusively by women. Next I will describe each one, starting with the cases of women who support the exclusively female initiative in courtship.
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